KoW Parody Version Part I

[Mlle Bienvenu]

AlterSnape: Have you your papers?

Raven: What is this? 1984?

Bellatrix: Citizen Snape! Where’ve you been? You missed the Reeducation seminar…we played Boggle and-

ASnape: Yo mama…<br>
Bellatrix: Pffft!

BigThorne: Boo!

ASnape and Bellatrix: Ahhh! :: runs away ::

BigThorne: Babies.

In AlterForbiddenDarkForestThingy
Flashback: Flashes!

12YearOldSeverus: I’m dark, broody, and almost Bishi…<br>
Dumbledore: Here’s your Hogwarts letter, sorry it’s a year late.

12YearOldSeverus: Why didn’t you send them down the chimney, or hide them in a dozen eggs?

Dumbledore: Is your name Potter…?

12YearOldSeverus: …<br>
Deanna: Kicks something

Flashback: Flashes!

Melificant, a ministry worker in the Department of Magical Creatures, Vampire Division: Wish my job was as interesting as my job title.

Random Vampire number 23: Hellooo…I’ve been waiting here forever…..

Melificant: Yup…nothing to do….

Random Vampire number 23: Annnytime now…..

Melificant: Sooo borrred…..
Random Vampire number 23: Did I mention I’m a vampire?

Melificant: Yawns

Random Vampire number 23: A dangerous magical creature….?

Melificant: Nothing to do except this here crossword…<br>
Random Vampire number 23: …Sharp pointy teeth…<br>
Melificant: What’s a five letter word for –<br>
Random Vampire number 23: Blood.

Melificent: I didn’t finish the question.

Random Vampire number 23: The answer is always blood. It wouldn’t be ironic otherwise.

Melificent: Is dead.

Deanna: Moron.

---

Snape: :: wakes up :: Raven’s gone…and she forgot her clothes…. Swweeeet! :: goes to find her.

Snape: mmm…smells like home cookin’

DarkShapeinTrees: I’m not Raven.

CrazyOldMan: Wheeeee! I’s so craazzzy!

Snape: Ooookaaaay….. I’m officially freaked out.

CrazyOldMan: Iiit’s nakkie time!

Snape: No, I lied. NOW, I’m officially freaked out.

Snape and DarkShapeinTrees: Runs from CrazyOldMan.

DarkShapeinTrees: :takes off party mask: Ha! Fooled you! I am Raven!

Snape: :: pupils dilate :: That wouldn’t happen to be blood your covered with, would it?

Raven: Um…maybe….

Snape: I want to eat you up.

Raven: Why can’t you like women covered in whip cream, like a normal guy?

Snape: I meant literally.

Reader: But the symbolism! The SYMBOLISM!

PRTeam: :whistles nonchalantly:

Raven: Bite me.

Snape: No.

Raven: Bite me.

Snape: No

Raven: Bite me.

Snape: Okay.

[Mlle Bienvenu]

Back at camp

Deanna: My plot device is glowing! That means vampire action! Yay!

Deanna: Finds Snape and Raven.

Deanna: Dude, that's not the kind of action I meant... get a room. Wait....my plot device tells me you're a <Gasp!> VAMPIRE!

Reader: We soo knew that three chapters ago.

JKR: He's not a vampire.

PRTeam: Awwwww....

JKR: Deal. Ok?

Deanna: I smite you Vampire!

Snape: I think I preferred greasy git.

Thorne: Can't we all just get along?

Raven: I let him bite me!

Deanna: Whaa..?

Raven: I've got protection!

Deanna: Too much information...head exploding...

Snape: Oh god, this is so embarassing.

Raven: I'm not human either!

Deanna: I hate you all...

Silence: Is uncomfortable

---

Raven: Washes up at stream

Thorne: The Symbolism. The SYMBOLISM!

Raven: Shut up.

---

Back at Camp

CrazyOldMan: You know you guys can come in, right?

Deanna: Uh... no we didn't...

Group: Is in!

CrazyOldMan:Guess who!

Snape: Rumplestilskin?

CrazyOldMan: My name is longer.

Snape: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?

CrazyOldMan: Nope, longer.

Snape: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Now you're catching on...

[Mlle Bienvenu]

PRTeam: In this universe the part of Dumbeldore will be played by the Mad Hatter.

Dumbledore: Tea anyone?

Deanna: And this is different from our Dumbledore...how?

Draco: :: bursts in :: Haahaa! No one expects Draco Malfoy! My chief weapon is surprise!...and fear....oh...I'll come in again...

Snape: Blinks

Draco: :: rebursts in :: No one expects Draco Malfoy! My chief weapon...amongst my weaponry... oh hell, Expelliarmus!