Hearts and Minds: A "Fire and Ice" Spoof/Spinoff

[Lolua]

Somebody shoot me now.... this is the worst fic idea in history. It was supposed to be a joke, I swear. Apologies, Mlle... I didn't mean to start writing it... it sort of just happened.

Summary: Sometimes the one you're meant to be with is the one you can't get out of your head. Kimblee/OC

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It is a dangerous thing to use one's own body as an alchemical vessel. Each vein and artery, every glob of marrow, from the smallest muscle of the forefinger to the thickest sinew of the neck is a potential weapon to the skilled alchemist. The very lobes and synapses of the brain are explosives just waiting to be detonated.

As Major Z. J. Kimblee, known as the Crimson Alchemist to all who counted, was well aware.

But none of that mattered to the woman who now watched Kimblee from the shadows of an alley between crumbling brick buildings. The physical properties of each inifinitessimally small body part didn't interest her. Kimblee's personal habits, from the thin marker he carried for doodling on his skin to his perpetual need for a haircut, were marginally amusing but only appeared as visible symptoms of what truly interested her -- his mind.

The awkward silence that hung around Kimblee like a miasma shattered when, out of nowhere, he began to laugh, building from a low, secretive giggle to a loud and dangerous cackle. The woman in the shadows smiled.

Determine the makeup. Destroy what exists. Rebuild it as something else.

If she wanted, she could make Kimblee the best-trimmed sheep of the whole bunch. The prospect excited her as nothing had before.

After extracting a pair of sunglasses from her pocket and carefully donning them once again, the woman stepped from the shadows.

Kimblee didn't look up from the circle he was drawing on the palm of his hand, not even when the woman's bouncing stride stopped inches from his toes.

"Hi!" she said brightly. "What'chee doin'?"

His laughter stopped, and Kimblee's voice echoed coldly as he replied, "Plotting death to all Ishballans."

"Neat," she said, and punched him hard on the side of the head. The marker fell from Kimblee's hand as he measured his length in the dust.

"You'll have to tell me about it sometime," the woman continued conversationally, then giggled, echoing the sound of the unconscious man's own voice.

For a moment she stood silently, considering her prey and watching for wandering bystanders. Then she picked up the man's legs and began to drag him towards the nearest building. At the entrance she paused, leaning against the doorway to catch her breath. She balanced Kimblee's legs between her knees and the doorjamb while she ran her hands through her short, sweaty hair, brushing it away from the vivid red tattoo on her forehead.

She smiled wryly, having reconsidered her last words. "But then, maybe I'll just know."

The woman and her prize disappeared inside.

*****

plan to go around doing a Bonnie & Clyde act?


possible backstory:
TEA learns alchemy on the sly while living in Ishbal before the massacre. Kimblee et al. arrive to subdue the rebellion. H&M and the massacre. Kimblee is arrested for misuse of alchemic techniques during the rebellion and is carted away to prison. TEA goes on without him.



Chastity (~Nina) against Lust.
Temperance (~Armstrong chick) against Gluttony.
Love (~Hughes)against Envy.
Charity (~Marcoh) against Greed.
Kindness () against Wrath.
Zeal (~Scar) against Sloth.
Humility (~young!Hohenheim/tall!Ed) against Pride

These are the Virtues.




ROcmonoc: TEA is just a lot of fun
Myriel Bienvenu: now if it was heart and soul, I'd have to start playing the piano...
ROcmonoc: LoL
ROcmonoc: and I would have to let you
Myriel Bienvenu: yes she is a lot of fun....
Myriel Bienvenu: :-D
Myriel Bienvenu: she's like every impulse decision you never made all in one concentrated package
ROcmonoc: LoL... too true
ROcmonoc: she's her own Sin :-P
Myriel Bienvenu: hahaha yeah...LOL
Myriel Bienvenu: that'd be fun....her fighting the Sins....because she feels like it LOL
ROcmonoc: hahahahaha
ROcmonoc: TEA Part III
Myriel Bienvenu: LOL
Myriel Bienvenu: maybe I won't kill her off... maybe just have her in a heckuva mess when we leave her...
ROcmonoc: "Hi! You must be Lust... and you're Gluttony, of course... and you.... Envy, right? Or is it Envietta?"
Myriel Bienvenu: ROFL
Myriel Bienvenu: Envietta! LOL
ROcmonoc: a fic to rival the Kwik-E-Mart one for silliness :-P
Myriel Bienvenu: LOL yeah LOL


ROcmonoc: Kimblee was arrested specifically for what he did in the Ishbal Massacre, right?
Myriel Bienvenu: yeah
ROcmonoc: k
Myriel Bienvenu: oooh maybe it had something to do with TEA
ROcmonoc: you know what would be so totally wrong?
Myriel Bienvenu: ooh what?
ROcmonoc: if Kimblee was normal before TEA got a hold of him
ROcmonoc: and she made him into a person-exploding nutcase
Myriel Bienvenu: OH that would rock!
ROcmonoc: LoL
ROcmonoc: I would have to rewrite a little on what I've done so far, though :-P
ROcmonoc: but I am liking this concept
Myriel Bienvenu: Because I'm sure Scar blames Kimblee...but if she was responsible...
ROcmonoc: yeah :-)
Myriel Bienvenu: it's like one of his own people screwed him up
ROcmonoc: oh, the irony.... THE IRONY!
Myriel Bienvenu: Woot!

[Lolua]

Kimblee awoke slowly, at first feeling only the throbbing pain spreading from his left temple. With full consciousness came full awareness of his present situation.

He was bound and standing in the center of a large room. Looking down he could see the outline of the chains that dug into his ribs and thighs, and the unmoving roundness of the column behind his spine and head revealed what he was anchored to. The faint pressure of fabric on his forehead, intensified by his developing headache, told him that his head was bound to the column as well. His arms were pulled up and away from his body by loops of chafing rope around each wrist. It seemed from his limited vision that the lengths of rope must be anchored to the network of small pipes gridding the rough ceiling.

The alchemist grunted against the discomfort in his head, back, and arms. If his captor meant to render him helpless, she had done a good job.

But not quite good enough.

He listened for a moment, waiting for some sign of his abductor -- had it really been a woman? -- in the room. When no footstep or breath reached his ears, Kimblee began twitching both of his hands upwards, trying to catch the hanging ropes with outstretched thumbs. If only he could hook his hands around the ropes, he could blast them apart with the circles drawn on his palms. . . .

"That's a good way to lose an arm," a woman's voice said from somewhere behind him. "Or, better yet, your whole body."

Kimblee only stretched farther, flexing and straining his wrist against the tension of the ropes until the joints of his fingers ached more than his head injury.

As if on cue, the woman began to laugh from her vantage point. Inbetween her giggles and the throbbing between his ears, he heard her repeat two words: "Silly man."

Kimblee paused to shake his hand feebly, desperately trying to encourage the flow of blood back into his tingling hand before it went completely numb. He strained against the band around his head until, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of his own palm, flapping uselessly in the air.

He swore when he saw what his captor had been laughing about.

The circle he had



***

"So you're the Crimson Alchemist, eh?"

"I'm not going to answer any questions while I'm tied up like this."

She sighed. "I suppose in the military they teach you not to give up state secrets under torture."

"Something like that," he admitted.

"Well," she said expansively, "in that case -- good dog."

Kimblee growled, as if proving her point.

"Anyway, I don't feel like untying you yet, and since you can't untie yourself --" she giggled again "-- I guess we'll just get on as best we can."





apparently Kimblee's alchemy depends on organicness, so make his hand-bonds organic (leather, rope) so he can actually 'splode them, but everything else inorganic (ropes, shackles) so he is still screwed even if he gets his hands free

same idea w/ palm circles


Kimblee fan art: www.deviantart.com/view/16684133/

[Lolua]

Lilith took another step forward. She was close enough for Kimblee to spit on now, but all thoughts of petty vengeance had abandoned him. Instead he stared dumbly at her, unable to predict or to act for the fascination and fear rattling inside his brain.

She was smiling secretively as she took her fists out of her pockets. One traveled out of sight toward his own bound left hand; she extended the other toward Kimblee's chest as if about to offer him a small and pleasant surprise hidden in her palm.

"Guess which hand," she prompted childishly, "or you won't get the prize."

Kimblee wanted to snort but couldn't, for a horrible possibility had just occurred to him. If she had one of the Crystal Alchemist's special little stones in her hand. . . .

"Too late," Lilith said, pouting. "Why didn't you guess?"

"Was this a surprise I would have wanted?" Kimblee managed.

"Oh yes," she said, smiling again. Kimblee suddenly felt the warm, fleshy pressure of Lilith's palm against his own.

He relaxed enough to let the ropes take the full weight of his arms. There had been nothing in her right fist.

Like a withered alien plant blooming its last, the second fist opened in front of him. From its palm shone a transmutation circle as sickeningly red as the one on Lilith's forehead.

"Great minds think alike," she said, and twined her fingers with his.

[Lolua]

From Ep. 21, "The Red Glow"

(parody line)
Greed: A hundred and thirty years I've been waiting for the other skull to drop.


(prison exchange for use with TEA)
Guard 1: Are we really gonna release these guys?

Guard: Those were the orders. They're supposed to be used for military research. They were sentenced here for life, though if you ask me, they should be put in front of a firing squad for their crimes.

*crash*

Guard 1: What the hell was that?

Kimblee: That was the sound of a building collapsing from some sort of explosion. What a soothing sound.

Guard 1: That's enough, Kimblee.

Kimblee: Ah, it really takes me back, back to the time of the Ishbal extermination.

Guard 1: Get out, you've been summoned. This is Kimblee, the military's madman bomber. He killed the enemy and a handful of our own.

*crash*

Kimblee: *laughs* Such a pleasing ring in my ear. Makes me feel all warm inside.

Guard 1: So much for the great legend of the Crimson Alchemist. You've hit rock bottom.

(sun circle on right palm, moon circle on left)